The Signs I Missed: What Dysregulation Really Looked Like

Looking back, there were signs everywhere.
Signs that something deeper was going on in my kids’ bodies-things that doctors, therapists, and even other parents never fully connected.
And honestly… neither did I.

At the time, I thought my daughter was unpredictable.
I thought I had to be constantly alert-one step ahead, always within arm’s reach.
Because at any moment, she might dart toward the street.
It felt like she didn’t understand danger.

But now I see it so differently.

She did understand.
Her body just couldn’t respond.
What I didn’t know then is that a dysregulated nervous system can override everything-logic, awareness, even safety.
And dysregulation doesn’t just come from “big things.”

It can come from:
The noise of being outside
Wind, heat, cold, or rain
A crowded place
A car ride
The wrong music
The food we ate
Even the anticipation of where we were going

Things I would have never considered.
At the time, I was trying to manage behavior.
Now I understand-I was witnessing a nervous system in overload.
When a child is dysregulated, their brain quite literally cannot function the way we expect it to.

It’s not a matter of listening.
It’s not defiance.
It’s not a lack of understanding.
It’s capacity.
Or more accurately-the lack of it in that moment.
If you’ve ever been in a car accident-something sudden and intense-you know the feeling.
Your heart is racing.
Your body is shaken.
Your mind is scattered.

Now imagine someone asking you, right after that, to sit down, read a book, and write a summary.
You couldn’t.
And even if you forced yourself to try, it would come at a cost later-shutdown, exhaustion, or an emotional outburst.

That’s what I was asking of my kids.
Every single day.
I didn’t see it then.
But I see it now.

Those weren’t random behaviors.
They were signals.
And once I started learning how to read those signals… everything began to change.

If you’re in that place right now-feeling like your child is unpredictable, confusing, or constantly “too much”…
There may be nothing wrong with them.
It may just be a nervous system asking for support.